[Back-Dated, Open] Titus A-muddled, or Natural Brother

[77th_emo_earl]

He may have a natural brother...

For a long time, Titus often dreamed of having a brother, dreamed of having an older brother to bear the title and the crown and the inheritance, but not like this, not in this place, not in this place, where titles and bloodlines barely mean anything. In their world, if he had known this sooner, he would gave handed over his crown gladly. Now more than ever, the words that the Steerpike he had known had snarled with his last breath haunt Titus: "You were lucky..."

But now that his suspicions have been all but confirmed, he is not sure what to think nor what to feel, much less what to make of the situation, and these thoughts leave him restless on his bed. His discreet encounter with Robin kept his mind off these things -- it was easy to forget with Robin's mouth working it's magic on his inexperienced flesh -- but now that he is alone, his mind returns to the notions that left him troubled.

His worst enemy and he may share the same blood, the same father, though clearly not the same mother. If this was Gormenghast, his enemy might be the rightful heir, and he, Titus, might be the usurper.

These ideas crawl through his mind like creepers, pushing aside all other thoughts like the roots breaking apart the stones they climb upon. No longer able to sleep, he pushes back the covers, letting them slide to the floor, before rising and pulling on his trousers and a dressing gown, shoving his feet into his shoes. He heads down to the kitchen, in search of some warm milk and a biscuit -- a childish way to settle one's whirling thoughts, but it seems as good as any at this point. Though he might also be hiding from himself the fact that he's hoping to find someone to talk to and to help him make sense of everything that is whirling in his head right now.

Backdated to a day or two after he made some unsettling discoveries. Looking specifically for Helen (M2), but he's open to other people offering an open ear and a concerned heart.

Comments

[umpteenthdream.livejournal.com]

Helen goes back and forth between being an evening and a morning person, and this is one of the nights when she's awake - in fact, she might wander to the kitchen for a cup of herbal tea, in between breaks.

The alchemy she's been studying is fascinating, but grueling, and she's been wanting to surprise Alphonse with something new, so her efforts have redoubled.

When she spots Titus, she pauses in the doorway.

"Good evening, Titus." Her voice is gentle and soothing as ever.

[77th-earl.livejournal.com]

He's found a bottle of milk and is pouring some into a pan, preparatory to heating it on the stove. "Good evening, Helen," he says, looking up. "Are you having trouble sleeping as I am?"

[umpteenthdream.livejournal.com]

"My mind is simply overly active," she replies calmly, soothingly. "It's nothing to be worried about." Helen wanders over to the counter, and puts the kettle on. "I would be glad to listen, if you wanted to speak, however."

[77th-earl.livejournal.com]

At least he isn't alone, but he'd be the first to admit that his mind doesn't move as rapidly or as much as hers. "I'm not sure where to begin: I've had a few odd things occur to me the past few days, but perhaps the strangest is that I have found that I may have a natural brother."

[umpteenthdream.livejournal.com]

"... I could see how such a discovery may keep you from restful sleep," Helen replies understandingly.

She's keeping an eye on both her kettle and Titus' pan - just in case he gets carried away with the confiding and forgets more earthly matters.

[77th-earl.livejournal.com]

He snerks under his breath. "That is only the half of it: not only that, and not only is he here, but when I knew him in my world, he was my worst enemy, a man who wanted my crown and would stop at nothing to try and claim it." And he proceeds to tell her his life story, of the animosity between him and the Under-Secretary of the Ritual, and of Steerpike's one man revolt which nearly destroyed his family.

[umpteenthdream.livejournal.com]

Helen blinks. "That -- must be quite unsettling," she replies compassionately. "Do you fear for your own safety?"

Does the tale include the murders of Clarice and Cora?

[77th-earl.livejournal.com]

He wags his head, slowly, even wearily. "I do and yet I do not. Aside from speaking sharply at me, he has caused me no harm since I found him here. I gave him my word that I would not trouble him, but I do not trust him entirely to keep his end of the bargain which we forged here, that the one would not bedevil the other. I judged him crimes he has yet to commit and so wronged him, and yet he is not the most reassuring young man. Am I wrong to mistrust him based on what I know, or is it right for me to be on my guard about him?"

Indeed it does -- Headspace!Titus has been glaring at me all day for re-reading the description of a blizzard at Gormenghast, since said chapter also included a very eerily suggestive description of the last nights of the twins...

[umpteenthdream.livejournal.com]

Helen is thoughtful a long while, pondering the line of conduct she needs to follow. Titus is asking her for quite dire advice, but the behavior which he is questioning is also very dire.

"I frankly do not know," she says, at length. "Caution is something I cannot condemn. If you feel unsafe, then you should indeed protect yourself - I would argue, however, that this does not give you license to cause him harm."

A pause, and she adds, "And I don't think you would be happy causing him harm either."

[77th-earl.livejournal.com]

He sighs. "If it comes to that, I hope circumstances do not force me to kill him again: I slew him once to protect my family and my domain, but I don't think that I could do it again." He unconsciously rubs one palm across the other, as if he's still wiping away the blood of his adversary. "If it were possible to live in peace with him, I would do so, but I don't think it is now possible, not after the words we exchanged. Not when I judged him so, and not at the offense he took at it. Though I likely deserve some of it."

[umpteenthdream.livejournal.com]

"Sometimes it's best to wait, and to let the dust settle," Helen says soothingly. "Don't try to solve nothing and everything tonight, in your sleep - let the past smooth over, and see what comes of it."

[77th-earl.livejournal.com]

He looks down at his hands. "That sounds like a good idea, but my heart is still troubled," he says. "I might have killed to defend my family and my realm, but I still shed the blood of another and my own natural brother. I am no better and no worse than he."

[umpteenthdream.livejournal.com]

"Would he have killed you, given the chance?"

Helen's question is pretty simple, isn't it?

[77th-earl.livejournal.com]

"He would likely have killed me because I stood in his way, in his path to the throne," he says. "Now, were this Gormenghast and knowing what I do now, I would abdicate in his favor and avoid the tragedy that came to pass." He snerks a bit. "He wanted the very thing that I did not want."

[umpteenthdream.livejournal.com]

"He may not have made a good ruler," Helen objects softly. "Not if he wanted power badly enough to kill his own brother."

[77th-earl.livejournal.com]

"I doubt that he knew for certain: my father never recognized him as his son, but we look similar enough that the family resemblance is obvious," he says, shrugging his hands. "It is more obvious now, when he and I are the same age, it would seem."

[umpteenthdream.livejournal.com]

"And how old are the both of you, Titus?" Helen has dropped the title - she feels a bit like an aunt, she can't help it.

[77th-earl.livejournal.com]

He thinks for a moment. "I'm just past my eighteenth birthday: I arrived here just about the time that it would have been celebrated," he says. "He doesn't look to be much older than that, though I suppose that looks can deceive."

[umpteenthdream.livejournal.com]

"Yes, I suppose they can," Helen replies, suddenly thoughtful.

And she's not thinking about anything Gormenghast, we can assure you.

[77th-earl.livejournal.com]

"It wouldn't be the first time that he deceived the people around him: he hid his cruelty in plain sight, and no one in the castle noticed it," he says. He pauses, noticing that change in her demeanor. "Have you known that kind of deception?"

[umpteenthdream.livejournal.com]

"No," Helen replies... "I don't suppose I did...." She does seem, however, still a bit lost in thought.

[77th-earl.livejournal.com]

He tilts his head, puzzled at her reaction. "Are you all right? You seem perturbed of a sudden."

[umpteenthdream.livejournal.com]

"I'm alright," Helen replies, "only thoughtful, is all. Go on?"

She's thinking of her 11-12, who was once so very perturbed, but also of all those who had hidden depths in the real world and visible issues in the Village.

[77th-earl.livejournal.com]

"There is little more to say: I despise the man, and yet there is a part of me that would embrace him as a brother, if it were not for these dark feelings which cloud my thoughts toward him," he says. "I feel as though I should make choice from these feelings, but I cannot seem to separate them."

[umpteenthdream.livejournal.com]

"It may be too early," Helen says thoughtfully. "Complex emotions need to be decanted - don't pressure yourself. Let it seep, and see how you feel about it in some time."